Single, Single-Single, Single AF*

*Disclaimer: I’m not cussing, I promise. This is the title of a cool song by Fousheé that inspired this post.

Today, listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Ratchet & Respectable (available wherever you get your podcasts), I was reminded of this song I heard some time this summer (see title, where I am not using/implying a bad word).  I had to go back and find it to listen again just to make sure the vibe it gave off at the time was the same as what I was thinking while listening to the podcast. It was.

Without giving anything away (in case you want to go and listen), what I gathered from the particular segment D was discussing was that becoming a wife and mother should not be the apex of womanhood; it shouldn’t have to define part of our success.



Can we please normalize this?

I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but I felt like I spent a lot of time in my 20s and 30s being embarrassed to tell people I was single. Mind you I was not embarrassed to actually be single.  It has only been recently that I decided I’ll be single and proud; and not just that the the kind of single I want to be. For those who don’t like it, can’t appreciate, it or won’t respect it: Not your problem… Or your business.

Now that I’ve got the pleasantries out of the way (wink, wink) here are my definitions:

Single – You’ve got a steady crush or a friend you’re regularly talking to or hanging out with. No labels, just trying to go with the flow. But this can be a sticky spot if you allow yourself to imagine what it can become. The best thing to do in this situation(ship) is to take things as they come and don’t always be so readily available.

Single-Single: maybe just out of a relationship, or out your parents’ house and you’re interested in seeing what’s out there. This could be casually dating, or collecting phone numbers to call/text whenever the mood hits…a bevy of “phone boos” if you’ll allow me to use that phrase (copyright pending, LOL).

Single AF: (Y’all…please listen to the song). This is “I’m catching flights not feelings; I’m out here living my best life. If you ever had me, you’ll be sorry you lost me because I am that chick. I am loving this skin I’m in and this life I’m livin’!” It is an entire mood. After I heard it, I was like, “yeah.” I felt re-affirmed.

I will decide to be un-single on my own terms. I am confident that someday—one day—the right man will offer those terms, or we will find common ground and make new ones. But I’m not worried. If it happens, great. If not, that’s great, too. You know why? Because I already am… great, that is.

Until Next Time,



Published by inilyaspencer

Hello! First, I have to tell you this: I LOVE the smell of books! New books, old books, glossy-paged, picture filled books. I will open a book, hold it to my nose, close my eyes and slowly inhale. Okay, I'm so glad that I've gotten that off my chest. If that doesn't make you uncomfortable, then this blog is just for you. I enjoy writing and I often have to keep my imagination at bay as I meander through my 9-5. Please follow and feel free to share with your friends.

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